Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
