I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
