I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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