my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
