i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
