no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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