My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
