so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize