btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
