is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
