I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
