dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What a dumb baby whore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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