He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
