You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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