i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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