Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
