Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
