check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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