did you get engaged???
now i know why i became what i already was.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
