Don't you send me to vm
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
