She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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