My nipple is on Facebook.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
