I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
