dude i'm inner monologue high
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
