I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think my moral compass just broke
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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