I'm jealous of your bromance
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
