The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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