I accidentally had phone sex last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
