Plan B is the new Plan A
kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry about my life...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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