if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
