I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
