I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
