btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
