I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize