I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You are a genius and a whore.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
