I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
