Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize