Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
