It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
