Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
