I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
