It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
