Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
