dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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