I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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