I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
