Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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