just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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