oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
third nipple confirmed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
