Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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