I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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