So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
