I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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