I haven't been this sober since birth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
