I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
