You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize