he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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