turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize