it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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