Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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