Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
