Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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