So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize