there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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