So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You smell like stripper and shame
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
