don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
