is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize