why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
COCAINE IS GR8
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
