just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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