I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
